Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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