Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
