yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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