So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's shark week go big or go home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
