Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Found your dick twin last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
