Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.