I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober