He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
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I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius