are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day