Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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