to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
