So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
