like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.