Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.