mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So many bounce houses so little time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.