piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.