Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.