Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.