youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on