1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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