you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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