I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
