He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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