I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dick very happy bro
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
