so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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