you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
