I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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