what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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