I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
