Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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