I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form