i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?