I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend