i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I could fuck to npr.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.