Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
