Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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