It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
