Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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