i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
