is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?