One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.