i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM