I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...