i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.