all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?