Barsexuality is the new black.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.