My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.