Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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