The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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