i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
