There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
