Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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