Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
