My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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