I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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