okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
