I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Say something about gay babies.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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