nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
