I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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