I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
