omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Rumble strips road head = magical
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
