if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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