They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
