i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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