wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
