my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
