Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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