It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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