My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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